Oklahoma L-Z

Oklahoma is OK, huh? Just like Arizona is AZ, and Minnesota is MN, and Virginia is VA, right? Well now, that is imaginative.

Wait.  Hold on a sec … Is this a double-entendre (and did I spell that right?)? Ohmigod, that’s so clever! This is exactly the kind of stuff I read the New Yorker for. I take back all the bad things I’ve said about you, Oklahoma. 


10. Medicine Park

In the west, “medicine” often means “magic,” or “healing.” And that gives us such great stuff as Medicine Lodge, Medicine Lake, Medicine Springs, and Medicine Park. I think it has something to do with Native Americans. 

MP is an old resort town. It’s in the Wichita Mountains, in the southwest part of the state. Former well-known visitors include Will Rogers, Wiley Post, Al Capone, Bonnie and Clyde, Pretty Boy Floyd, Les Brown, and Roy Rogers. The town is famous for its cobblestone architecture.

Some of that there architecture

9. The Village

I had a friend in grade school who had a dog name “Dog” and a cat named “Cat.” He’d probably fit right in here.

Officially known as City of the Village, this village / city / whatever is almost entirely surrounded by Oklahoma City. There are 10,000 people in The Village. Yup, that’s 10,000 Village people. Sorry.

The Village is the corporate headquarters of Love’s Travel Stops, which you may be familiar with if you’ve ever traveled on an interstate in the United States of America. The town was incorporated only in 1970.

8. Slaughterville 

Wow! What kind of terrible massacre must have happened here? 

Well, actually, I’m afraid Slaughterville owes its name to nothing more gruesome than a local grocer named James Slaughter. And he had a store at some crossroads here.

Like Fishkill, NY, Slaughterville was once asked by PETA to change its name. PETA offered to give $20,000 worth of veggie burgers to the local school if the town changed its name to Veggieville. Honestly, I could not make this stuff up if I tried (see here for proof).

We’re in the Oklahoma City area again, just a little to the southeast. There are 4,000 Slaughtervillians, though they all appear to be rather spread out.

Thanks Internet Photoshop user!

7. Scraper

You know, to get the ice off your windshield. Where did you think it came from?

Actually, it’s from some dude – namely, one Captain Archibald Scraper, of the 2nd Regiment, Indian Home Guard. He was a Cherokee.

This one’s got 475 people, and is in the northeast part of the state. It has one famous son, Wilson Rawls, author of Where the Red Fern Grows.

Oops, wrong scraper

6. Slick

Noun: an oil slick. Hmm, I don’t think so. Adj: smooth and glossy. Probably not. Adj: operating in an impressively smooth, efficient, and apparently effortless way. I like it!

Well, wouldn’t you know. It’s actually named after another dude. Thomas B. Slick was a legendary Oklahoma oil man, and drilled the first oil well in the area here in 1920.

Slick the town actually once had a population of 5,000. These days, not so much. It’s down to about 130. Ah well. The oil giveth and the oil taketh away. Great YouTube video on this almost ghost town right here.

As for the surname, it means “smooth and glossy.” Not. It’s actually an Anglicization of Schlick, a German name that means “glutton.” Take your pick: Slick, Schlick, or Glutton – they all would have made it into this post.

Haunted high school, Slick, OK

5. Loco

Crazy / I’m crazy for feeling so lonely / I’m crazy / Crazy for feeling so blue …

Well, actually, I’m crazy because I ate some locoweed. Yup, that’s where this town’s name came from. 

There is another theory though. This one leads back to the Latin word for “place” – you know, like in the word “locus.” I don't know ... I ain't buyin' it.

Loco the town has 150 people and is in the south central part of the state. 

And, as with all towns whose names are adjectives, Google returns some great results. In our case, these include loco divorce lawyers, loco singles, and loco cardiologists.

And loco tankers as well

4. Pumpkin Center

Don’t laugh. This is actually a fairly common name. In fact, would you believe there are more states with a Pumpkin Center than there are without? Yup, I count 29 with and 21 without. 

Now, why is this name so popular? That is the question. 

Well, interestingly enough, I may have just found an answer. Turns out there was a comedy team by the name of Uncle Josh and Aunt Nancy who cut some early records at the turn of the 20th Century. And can you guess what fictional podunk they hailed from? Yup, good ol’ Pumpkin Center.

To confuse things even further, though, would you believe there are four possible places with this name just in Oklahoma alone? For the sake of time, however, let’s go with just one. My particular favorite is near Lawton, in Comanche County, in the far southwest part of OK. They’ve got a restaurant called the Dry Beaver Supper Club, which certainly deserves a plug with a name like that.

3. Non

Non: the town that wasn’t there!

Actually, I was able to find it, on MapQuest. It looks, though, more like it’s barely there. I count about a dozen houses or buildings of some sort or other.

So, where did the name come from? Well, all I could find was a story that it was from the last syllable of the surname of the first postmaster, one J.W. Cannon. That makes me assume that 1) there was already a Cannon, OK, and that 2) J.W. was not a particularly imaginative person. As it turns out, there is not a Cannon, OK, so I guess it’s #2 then. Alternatively, though, perhaps A.J. was just a little bit unusual.

I could find next to nothing else on the place, but I did get some interesting hits on Google nonetheless, including:

• What you need to know about Oklahoma non-compete agreements
• The non-conference schedule for the Oklahoma State basketball team
• How to start a non-profit in Oklahoma
• That it’s OK for Christians to apologize to non-Christians
• That nonok is Malay for “vagina”

2. Slapout

Believe it or not, there are a few Slapouts out there too. In addition to Oklahoma, Alabama and Texas claim one as well.

The typical story is that there was a general store at some crossroads that was somewhat lacking in inventory. So, whenever someone would ask for something, the store owner would have to admit that he was “slap out of it.” Perhaps there’s some comedic basis to this as well. Maybe Uncle Josh and Aunt Nancy owned a store. Who knows?

At 8 people, the Oklahoma Slapout may be the smallest town in the state. Not much there other than a store and a couple of houses. It’s located right at the beginning of the Panhandle.

Photo tip: always be sure to make things sprout

directly from your subjects’ heads

1. Nuyaka

So, dis guy comes out west. I dunno, he’s from Flatbush, or someplace like dat. Anyhoo, he buys some cows or steers or whatever, and he starts dis farm …

You’re not going to believe this, but this place is actually named after The Big Apple. Seems a bunch of Creek Indians met George Washington there, and were suitably impressed to name a town after it when they came out west.

You won’t have any trouble distinguishing between the two however. Ours has about 15 buildings scattered over three blocks, a bit south of Tulsa. The name itself has a little more traction, with a creek, winery, mission, high school, mall, and various other Nuyaka kind of things scattered about the greater Okmulgee area.

Not to be confused with …

Honorable Mention:

• B-o-r-i-n-g – Woods, Oklahoma City (American Banjo Museum), Midwest City
• Short and sweet – Taft, Tom, May, Meno, Nebo, Ord, Orr, Vici, Vian, Wye, Zoe, Zena, Stapp, Prue, Roff
• Just a little out of place – Peoria, Pittsburg, Yale, Utica, Tupelo, Washington, Pensacola, Orlando, Miami, Santa Fe, Yukon, Panama, Lima, Prague, Troy, Lebanon
• Orthographically challenged – Wheeless, Picher (former site of world’s largest zinc mine), Rufe, Purdy
• Numerically oriented – Twin Oaks, Three Sands
• Native American mouthfuls – Pawhuska (nation’s first Boy Scout troop), Pontotoc, Weleetka, Tahlequah (Mr. Ed the Talking Horse burial site), Tullahassee, Oologah, Oktaha, Okmulgee, Okfuskee, Muskogee (site of first Girl Scout cookie sale), Sallisaw, Sapulpa, Wappanucka
• Atypical adjectives – Loyal, Noble, Valiant, Mutual, Little (and Little City), Long, Pink, Okay
• Abnormal nouns – Victory, Model, Mounds, Lookout, Sentinel, Snow, Shamrock, Pharoah, Wildcat, Sparks, Verdigris, Rattan, Platter
• Unconventional verbs – Page, Muse, Roll
• Fun to say – Milfay, Lookeba, Ponca City, Panola, Inola, Yahola, Yuba, Yanush, Skedee (Chief Baconrind monument), Swink, Spavinaw (Mickey Mantle’s birthplace), Tuttle, Tussy, Tushka, Tamaha, Talala, Quapaw (“downstream people” – a tribe), Uncas
• Impossible portmanteaus – Texola, Texhoma, Texanna, Tunkahoma
• Just plain weird – Loveland, Oil Center, Sulphur, Sunkist, Sunray, Stillwater (home of OSU), Stringtown, Strong City, Sacred Heart, Pyramid Corners, Pauls Valley, Richards Spur, Rubottom, Retrop (Porter backwards), Red Bird, Lone Wolf (as well as just plain Wolf), Radium Town
• I’d like to introduce you to – Martha, Maud, Mazie, Velma, Vera, Olive, Stella, Ramona (formerly Bon Ton), Spiro, Milo, Oscar, Homer, Norman (home of the Univ. of Oklahoma), Wayne, Leonard, Luther, Milton, Vernon, Virgil, Remus
• Ghost towns – Santa Fe, Yonkers, Oak Wall, Little Chief, Wildman, Whizbang

Wondering what happened to all the OK towns from A to K?  Well, check right here.

Oklahoma, A-K

Oklahoma is OK, huh?  Well, were you aware that Arkansas is the Land of Opportunity, and New Mexico the Land of Enchantment?  You’ve also got your Gem State (Idaho) and Golden State (California) and Empire State (New York) as well.  So, what do you think, Oklahoma?  Do you think you could you raise your game just a little bit here?

Well, at least they’ve got their fair share of crazily named towns.  I had to break this post in two.  This week, A to K.  Next week, L to Z.

10. Gene Autry

This town of 100 in the south central part of the state was named for famous singer and Western movie star Tom Mix. 

Tom bought a ranch nearby in 1939.  The locals changed the name of their town, Berwyn, to honor him a couple of years later.  Interestingly, the town had previously been called Lou and also Dresden.  Here's hoping these folks have finally settled down.

And, yes, there is a museum!

Tom, wife Dale, and horse Silver
(not necessarily in that order)

9. Chilocco

I think I just like saying this one (though chances are pretty good I’m pronouncing it incorrectly).

It’s from the Muskogee (Creek) and means “big deer.”  And that’s – interestingly – the phrase they used for “horse.”

Chilocco the town is north of Oklahoma City, right on the border with Kansas.  It’s the site of a famous Indian boarding school, which closed in 1980.  Today, we have the Seven Clans Travel Plaza and Lil' Bit of Paradise Casino instead – and not much else, to tell you the truth.

Chilocco Agricultural Indian School basketball team, 1909

(and, yes, those are swastikas)

8. Bluejacket

Personally, I would much prefer Blueblazer … But, hey, who asked me?

The name comes from one Charles Bluejacket, Shawnee chief and first postmaster.

The town is in the far northeast of the state, and has 340 people.  Owen Cash, founder of the Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America (SPEBSQSA for short) is a native son.

Hustler Bible Class?!?! Am I missing something?

7. Broken Bow / Broken Arrow

Would you kids stop touching everything!  Put that down!  Right now!

Broken Bow is named after Broken Bow, KS, where the town’s founders were from.  The OK version is in the far southeast corner of its state, and has 4,100 people.  It’s the nearest town to the wonderfully named Beaver Bend State Park.  The local high school team goes by the extremely politically incorrect nickname of the Savages.

Broken Arrow is named after a Creek community in Alabama.  BA is big time.  With about 100,000 people, it’s the fourth largest city in OK and the 27^th largest city in the US.  It’s still basically a suburb of Tulsa though.  It dates back only to 1902, and had a mere 11,000 just back in 1970.  Kristen Chenoweth was born here.

Someone carved that

6. Cement

Cement factory?  Nearby clay mines?  We may never know.

I do know, though, that it’s a lot better than what the Comanche called it, Toyanarimii.  In case your Comanche’s a little rusty, that means "rock town."

This diminutive burg of 530 is in the southwest part of Oklahoma, in the wonderfully named Keechi Hills.  In Wild West days, it was known as an outlaw hangout. 

Google results include some wonderful combinations, such as the Cement Bulldogs (the local high school team), Cement News, Cement Weather, Cement Car Insurance, Cement Counselors, Cement Jobs, Cement Municipal Court, and Cement Houses for Sale.

Good name for a band

5. Corn

So, you think they grow corn around here?

Actually, this place was originally called Korn.  So I’m guessing it was really named after the band. 

Seriously, Korn is a German surname, literally means “grain,” and was typically given to someone who worked as a grain merchant.  So, this oddly named place may actually really have been named after some guy.  Alternatively, maybe some Germans just grew grain around here.

Corn and Cement are actually rather alike.  The towns, I mean.  They’re both in the same part of OK, and Corn’s got about 500 people to Cement’s 530.  There are also plenty of odd Google links for “Corn OK” as well – though my favorite is probably the “related search,” “Is corn OK for dogs?” 

There’s actually a fair amount of history in Corn.  It was settled by German Mennonites who brought over the wheat variety called Turkey Red (the primary winter wheat strain in the US).  It was also the site of the first tornado recorded on film.

Not every city can fit their educational and
government districts in the same building, you know

4. Frogville

So, you think they got a lotta frogs around here?

As a matter of fact, they do!  Wikiepedia says that the place “was named for the abundance of frogs in the area said to be so large they ate young ducks.” 

It’s in the southeast part of the state.  I spot a crossroads, some farms, and a cemetery – all a little north of the Red River.

I wasn’t able to find much on the town, though I did find a review for a play called So My Son Married His Boyfriend in Frogville Oklahoma. 

Scarily, this is the town’s main attraction

3. Battiest

adj. bat·ti·er, bat·ti·est. Slang. Crazy; insane. [From “bats in the belfry”].

It’s actually from the honorable Byington Battiest, a Choctaw judge.  Further, my guess is it’s pronounced with just two syllables – like “ba-teest.”

That’s actually too bad, because pronouncing it like the adjective gives us such beauties as Battiest Rd., Battiest High School (home of the Battiest Panthers), the Battiest Cemetery, and the Battiest Burger Barn.

However it may be pronounced, it’s got 250 people and is in the southeast part of the state (not that far from Beaver Bend State Park, by the way). 

It’s the battiest!

2. Bowlegs

No, this town’s name is not a celebration of the medical condition known as genu varum.  It’s named after somebody with the last name of Bowlegs.  There’s a little controversy about who that might actually be:

• Billy Bowlegs, a famous Seminole chief
• Lulu Bowlegs, his descendent, on whose land oil was discovered here
• David Bowlegs, who got murdered here

Bowlegs the town has about 370 people.  Wikipedia says it’s a bedroom community, but it appears to be in the middle of nowhere, with the nearest city (Oklahoma City) more than an hour away.

Must make it hard to kick the ball

1. Gay / Straight

Take your pick. 

Well, it looks like I could definitely find some Straight Oklahomans.  I’m not so sure about the Gay ones though. Here, let me explain ...

A search on “Straight OK” does point to a place on Mapquest.  Unfortunately, there’s nothing there other than some big crop circles.  It is just to the west of the equally iffy town of Mouser.  A little further east, though, is the wonderfully named – and very alive and well – Hooker.

As for “Gay OK” …  Well, I did get plenty of hits.  They just weren’t what I was expecting.

Miss Gay Oklahoma,
Claire Voyance

Honorable Mention:

• B-o-r-i-n-g – Green Pasture, Grove (world’s largest fishing pole), Countyline, Centralia, Center
• Short and sweet – Dow, Fay, Jay, Joy, Ada, Eva, Eucha, Enid, Eram, Gans, Foss, Babbs, Box, Bee, Kaw
• Just a little out of place – Kansas, Camp Houston, Fargo, Canton, Cleveland, Albany, Dover, Chattanooga, Helena, Cheyenne, Billings, Boise City, El Reno, Burbank, Berlin, Kremlin, Cairo, Delhi, Bengal
• Just a little off-color – Hooker, Beaver (Cow Chip Throwing Capital of the World), Cox City
• Numerically oriented – Four Corners, Carter Nine
• Orthographically challenged – Cogar, Chewey, Grainola, Bacone, Brooken
• Atypical adjectives – Hardy, Blue, Brown, Golden, Gray, Cloudy, Canadian, Jumbo, Hollow, Greasy, Kenefic
• Abnormal nouns – Friendship, Fame, Enterprise, Colony, Cache, Driftwood, Daisy, Apple, Antlers, Buffalo, Bison, Elk City (National Route 66 Museum), Gray Horse, Herd, Kingfisher, Carrier, Blocker, Bunch, Bromide, Bushyhead, Hominy, Hydro, Happyland, Jet, Jester
• Unconventional verbs – Felt, Bond, Bray
• Fun to say – Harjo, Depew, Felker, Krebs, Eakly, Andarko, Eufaula, Inola, Binger, Belzoni
• Homa, homa, homa – Indiahoma, Centrahoma
• Just plain weird – Ft. Supply, Empire City, Dill City, Big Cabin, Burns Flat, Cloud Chief, Jollyville, Hockerville, Cookietown, Hicks Addition
• I’d like to introduce you to – Katie, Gerty, Bessie, Bernice (formerly Needmore), Idabell, Amber, Krystal, Hugo (Circus Town USA), Homer, Calvin, Canute, Geronimo, Cleo Springs, Devo
• Ghost towns – Acme, Grand, Gate, Eddy, Bathsheba, Indianapolis, Hext, Hochatown, America, Creek Agency, Cheek, Karma, Beer City

Southern Ohio

Well, if this informal little survey means anything, I think people in southern Ohio are definitely weirder than those in the northern part of the state.  It’s not real scientific, mind you, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that based on the top three Southern Ohio names alone – Twightwee, Fleatown, and Knockemstiff.  Read on!

10. Kitchen

Well, the only room in the house more important than the kitchen is probably the bathroom.  Funny, though, there don’t seem to be any towns called Bathroom, OH out there.

This has to be from a surname.  And that surname basically denotes some long ago ancestor who worked in or managed a kitchen.

Not a whole lot on this one.  Apart from all the links to people who want to remodel my kitchen, serve me dinner, or provide me with a free bowl of soup before I head over to the homeless shelter, that is.

I do know, though, that it’s in the far south of Ohio, not too far from the junction with West Virginia and Kentucky.

By the way, there is also a Range OH as well.

VP candidate Paul Ryan washes some
already clean dishes in a soup kitchen
somewhere in Ohio

9. Socialville

What a friendly place!  Look at all these interesting links I could find on it:

• Meet Socialville Ohio Single men - Free Online Dating Site
• Meet Socialville Ohio Senior dating - Free Online Dating Site
• free adult dating socialville ohio
• Sex Dating Sites In Socialville Ohio

These super-friendly folks live in the northwest Cincinnati suburbs.  Couldn’t find much else on this place though.  I figure it’s one of those once-rural crossroads that’s been totally taken over by cul-de-sac land.

It is famous for its dual water towers however

8. Revenge

Would you believe this one came about from some competition between a couple of shopkeepers?  How lame.  I was hoping this would be a lot more bloodthirsty.  Kinda boring, if you ask me.

There doesn’t seem to be a lot left of this crossroads southwest of Columbus.  I did find two pages devoted to it though (probably because of the great name):

• http://www.forgottenoh.com/Revenge/revenge.html
• http://bookponderings.blogspot.com/2011/03/ponderin-pastin-revenge-ohio.html

That second link is actually a book review.  Yup, there is a book out there that just so happens to be set in Revenge: Love Finds You in Revenge, Ohio, by Lisa Harris.  Here’s a description:

The only thing worse than being a spinster is being a twice-jilted spinster. At twenty-five, Catherine Morgan is hardly an old maid, but she’s given up on marriage and instead manages the family’s general store in the small town of Revenge, Ohio. Bound by a promise to care for her three sisters until they marry, she’ll do anything it takes to keep them safe. However, the town’s heriff has evidence that may stand in the way of her sister’s happiness and her own. Revenge can be stronger than love. Will a vow for vengeance arrest Catherine’s third chance for love?

No, this is not Catherine Morgan in old age.
This babe owned one of those stores.

7. Dry Run

And when they finished with this one, they went to the west a couple of miles and started a real town.

Well, the meaning of this one is actually pretty obvious.  Why anyone would want to start a town at a site without any running water is the real question.

So, we’ve got another Cincinnati suburb here.  This one’s east of the Queen City.  It boasts 7,300 Dry Runners.

6. Pyro

It’s short for pyromaniac, right?  You know, the people who like to set fires?  Just checking.  ‘Cause it doesn’t seem like an obvious name for a town.  I mean, to me at least.

This one’s not too far from Kitchen.  In fact, they’re only four miles apart.  It looks like Pyro might be the more populous of the two.  I see a couple of dozen houses.

What’s really interesting about this place, though, is that some band from Virginia borrowed the name.  Yup, most of the links you get on Google will be to the band.  Here’s a description of them from their website: www.pyroohio.com

By combining a variety of musical influences Pyro, Ohio has created a sound that is both refreshing and modern while challenging themselves and their audience with every song they write. Branching out from the post-hardcore genre and experimenting with non-standard song structures, the band seeks to write profound songs that hinge on the edge of progressive styling while also remaining accessible to listeners. The band is most commonly compared to A Day to Remember, Chiodos, Circa Survive, A Skylit Drive, and Glassjaw.

The guys in the band

5. Mudsock

Well, there are three possibilities for this one, none of which I’m buying into:

• Horses with mud up to their fetlocks (or some other horsey anatomy part)
• Travelers losing their boots in the mud
• “Mud” plus a word for “sink” from some other language (Old Norse in one story, Finnish in another …)

Though there’s not much left today, Mudsock does have its share of history.  It was one of the first towns settled by the Ohio Company in what was then the Northwest Territory.  No, not the Ohio Players.  The Ohio Company.  This was a land speculation company that a bunch of Virginians – including Lees and Washingtons – organized to settle the Ohio Country, the land past the Ohio River, in the 18th Century. 

This barely-there kind of place is just west of Columbus.  I see a farm at a crossroads.  Chances are, though, that that’s probably been knocked down and a subdivision’s been put up in its place by the time you read this.

Hard to believe, but Mudsock was a fairly common name for towns.  There may, in fact, have been four others in Ohio alone.  Read more about it right here.

NOT a real university!

4. Kinnikinnick

What, wasn’t just one Kinnick enough?

Well, as you can probably guess, this one is Native American.  From Merriam-Webster online:

a mixture of dried leaves and bark and sometimes tobacco smoked by the Indians and pioneers especially in the Ohio valley

Hmm, I wonder what was in those “dried leaves.”  Was it a little of the ol’ wacky weed?  Maybe a pinch of some good, old-fashioned mary jane?  A tad of the famous wacky tobacky?  (BTW, the term means “mixture,” and is from the Delaware language.)

K-town (I’m not going to type that monster in again) is south of Columbus, a little bit north of Chillicothe (see below).  Looks like it’s a crossroads with a couple of dozen houses.  And that’s about it for this place.

I understand they have a special ingredient

3. Twightwee

My spell checker wants to change this to “tightwad,” but also to “tight wee” and “twig twee.”  All of which actually make a lot more sense than “twightwee.”

Twightwee was actually what the Delaware Indians called the Miami Indians.  How it came to be applied to these four blocks along the Little Miami River (just up from the local wastewater treatment plant) is, however, beyond me.  Twightwee is actually part of the wonderfully named Loveland, which is really just a suburb of Cincinnati. 


2. Fleatown

Truth in advertising?

Well, according to the Internets, this place was named by a local traveler after spending a sleepless night at a stagecoach stop here.  It was previously called Hog Run. 

Umm … I hate to tell you this, guys, but I’m not sure Fleatown’s really that much of an improvement.  I mean, yeah, Hog Run isn’t that great, but have you considered something like Pleasant Grove, or maybe Springfield, or even Twightwee?

This place also gets called Van Burentown.  It’s basically a handful of houses at a crossroads east of Columbus.  It’s in [snicker, snicker] Licking County.

The main attraction

1. Knockemstiff

One of the all-time greats, Knockemstiff has probably made it into every book on funny place names.

Where does it come from?  Chances are it’s a reference to moonshine, something that was quite popular in rural southern Ohio when the town was founded. 

Wikipedia calls it a ghost town, but there’s a New York Times article out there that points to some homes and a church.  Sounds like the local residents are more apt to call it Shady Grove than Knockemstiff. 

Oh, almost forgot …  The NY Times article is actually about a book that a local author wrote about growing up here.  Here’s the description from Amazon:

In this unforgettable work of fiction, Donald Ray Pollock peers into the soul of a tough Midwestern American town to reveal the sad, stunted but resilient lives of its residents. Knockemstiff is a genuine entry into the literature of place. Spanning a period from the mid-sixties to the late nineties, the linked stories that comprise Knockemstiff feature a cast of recurring characters who are irresistibly, undeniably real. A father pumps his son full of steroids so he can vicariously relive his days as a perpetual runner-up body builder. A psychotic rural recluse comes upon two siblings committing incest and feels compelled to take action. Donald Ray Pollock presents his characters and the sordid goings-on with a stern intelligence, a bracing absence of value judgments, and a refreshingly dark sense of bottom-dog humor.

Honorable Mention:

• B-o-r-i-n-g – Stone, Roads, Newtown, Centerville, Center Station, Junction City, Midway, Midland, Middletown, Middlesburg, Plain City, The Plains
• Short & sweet – Aid, Way, Mack, Era, Eber, Enon, Octa, Leo, Gano, Gath, Neffs, Fly
• Just a little out of place – far too many
• Native American mouthfuls – Moxahala, Chillicothe (first capital of Ohio)
• Alliterative apotheosis – College Corners, Huber Heights, Powhatan Point, Point Pleasant, Pleasant Plain, Viking Village, Grape Grove
• Orthographically challenged – Whisler, Starr, Eifort, Peebles, McLuney
• Just a little off color – Gaysport, Hooker*, Beaver, Mt. Joy, Round Bottom, Long Bottom, Blue Ball, Pee Pee
• Numerically oriented – Seven Mile, Five Points, Twenty Mile Stand
• Atypical adjectives – Superior, Modest, Mutual, Gratis, Senior*, Stout
• Lots of littles – Little Hocking, Little Farms, Little Walnut
• Unconventional verbs – Cook, Dent, Dart, Wade, Goes, Plants, Veto
• Abnormal nouns – Torch, Marathon, Arcanum, Antiquity, Felicity, Tranquility, Joy, Sunshine, Shade*, Frost, Mineral, Emerald, Hue, Farmers, Patriot, Pansy, Centerfield, Getaway
• Fun to say – Frazeyburg (world’s largest apple basket), Philo, Excello, Roxabell, Zaleski, Tuppers, Dorcas, Vandalia, Wamsley, Wilberforce*, Whipple, Winkle, Wegee, Nipgen
• Just plain weird – Commercial Point, Tradersville, Businessburg, Residence Park, Morning Sun, Sunnyland, Singing Hills, Yellowbird, Red Lion, White Cottage, Raccoon Island, Possum Woods, Young Hickory, South Olive, Franklin Furnace (Ohio & Union too), Bookwalter, Blue Ash* (& Blue Rock), San Toy
• Too many towns – Yankeetown, Frytown, Stringtown
• Too many villes – Circleville, Coolville (Ohio’s smallest church), Outville, Guysville, Salesville, Crooksville
• I’d like to introduce you to – Ray, Vernon, Byron, Melvin, Alfred, Pedro, Hamlet, Glen Karn, Wayne Lakes, May Hill, Tom Corwin
• Ghost towns – Moonville

* - author has visited

Northern Ohio

My road atlas happens to break this great state in two right across the middle.  What an excellent organizing scheme!  Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the wild and weird town names of northern Ohio.  

10. Reminderville

There was something I wanted to say about this place, but I just can’t remember what it was.

Oh yeah!  You’re not going to believe me, but this place was named after one of the prominent families in the area, the Reminders.  According to the town website, the other competitor was the Grimm family.  Damned if you do and damned if you don’t, I guess.

This town of 3,400 is part of the Akron Metropolitan Statistical Area.  If you’re a little short on your Buckeye geography, that puts it in the northeast part of Ohio.  It’s right on beautiful Aurora Lake, and is bordered to the south by Liberty Park.  It looks like lots and lots of cul de sacs. 

Oh, and I’m not making that surname thing up, by the way.  Click here if you don’t believe me.

Is it just me,

or does he have a little bit of a pot?



9. Funk

For some reason, the poor folks in this town always seem to be under the weather, a little down in the dumps, feeling crummy, down in the mouth, bummed out, blue …

Wikipedia says the source of this town’s name is “not well documented.”  My guess is it’s just a surname – a surprisingly common one, as a matter of fact.  It’s from the German for “spark” – basically a nickname for a blacksmith.

It was kind of hard to find anything on this place, as most search results were for things like “Hire a funk band in Ohio,” “Dayton, Ohio: the Land of Funk,” and “Funk Lab Dance Studio: Kettering, Ohio.”  Looking it up on Google maps, I found a couple of dozen houses out in some farmland about halfway between Columbus and Cleveland.  The town is right next to the wonderfully named Funk Bottoms Wildlife Area.

I was afraid of that
(Google Images search = “Funk OH”)

8. Kunkle

Sounds like something your doctor might offer to zap off with a laser.

Well, wouldn’t you know.  It’s another German surname.  Turns out the local grocer was named Kunkle, and they named the town after him.  There’s a ton of possible meanings for this one: a maker of spindles, a spindly person, from the personal name Kuno, from a place name …

It was actually originally called Kunkle’s Corners.  Too bad it didn’t keep that name.  Celeryville (see below) would have definitely had some competition.  Other former names include Barrett’s Corners and Deer Lick.

This town of 250 is in the far northwest part of the state.  Things look pretty darn flat.

Founding father Henry Stone Kunkle
(and wife)

7. Academia

Yes, there was a college here.  Alas, Mt. Vernon College is no more.  All that’s left is the barely half-mile-long College St.

Today, Academia is basically a neighborhood on the far northwestern outreaches of the town of Mt. Vernon.  (Mt. Vernon is a decent-sized city – of 17,000 – smack dab in the middle of Ohio.)  As for Academia, the Knox County Fairgounds seem to be the main attraction. 

The hallowed groves

6. Pepper Pike

Positively perfect.  Plainly without peer.  Pure perfection. 

Well, we’ve probably got another surname here.  Chances are there was a family by the name of Pepper who lived along a local turnpike.  Once again, we’ve got a positive plethora of possibilities for that surname’s meaning: a spice merchant, a fiery person, a piper …

This “affluent” (according to Wikipedia) suburb of Cleveland has about 6,000 people.  From Google Maps, I can see lots and lots of cul-de-sacs and also more-than-your-average number of golf courses.  It’s the home of Ursuline College, a Catholic women’s school.  You can find a history of the place right here.

I wonder if they patrol Pepper Pike Park

5. Jelloway

Originally called The Way of the Jello, the town was renamed in the 1830s to make it sound more modern.

Seriously, this one’s American Indian.  The town was named after a creek, which in turn was named after an Indian chief, Tom Jelloway, whose tribe liked to camp on its banks.  It was originally called Brownsville.

This burg of maybe two dozen homes is between Funk and Academia (i.e., between Columbus and Cleveland).

This way to the jello!

4. Cranberry Prairie

No, this one isn’t that unusual.  It is, however, a genuine tongue twister.  Go ahead, try it yourself.  It’s either going to come out “cranbrairie prairie” or “cranberry pairie.”  You can’t win.

This place actually has its own historical marker.  Here’s the complete text:

The Cranberry Prairie, southwest of this marker, is a part of Ohio's natural history. The place was named for the cranberries that grew in a swamp here prior to drainage of the area. The Cranberry Prairie was created by centuries of peat accumulation in a late Ice Age lake that formed at the base of St. John's Moraine. Paleo-Indian or Early Archaic peoples probably killed the elk whose skeleton was dug up here in 1981. This elk was dated at approximately 7400 B.C.

By the 1860s, immigrant German farmers had begun transforming the swamp into fertile farmland. "Wild Bill" Simison, a legendary inhabitant, lived in the swamp and settlers respected him for his knowledge of the area. By the turn of the nineteenth century, Granville Township School #7, St. Francis Catholic Church, and Bertke's Store stood at the edge of the Cranberry Prairie.

Kale!  My favorite! (Google search = cranberry prairie oh")

3. Tawawa

Birthplace of Babwa Wawaa …

Well, actually, no.  She was born in Boston.  I think I can be pretty confident saying nobody famous was born in Tawawa.

This tiny town of maybe 30 houses is in the western part of the state.   The name comes from the Shawnee for “clear water.”  By the way, Ohio also features a Toboso.


2. Mentor-on-the-Lake

Why on the lake?  What was he doing there?  Did you have to go there every time you needed to be mentored?  Did he occasionally make house calls?

This town of 7,400 is basically a Cleveland suburb, which explains the lake part.  As for the Mentor …  Well, there is a larger city called Mentor nearby.  And that place was named after the character in The Odyssey.  And that character is where we get the term “mentor” from.  So, it really does mean what it says.  Weird, huh?

By the way, there is also a Painesville on the Lake, Geneva-on-the-Lake, and Vermillion-on-the-Lake.

$13.99 at sears.com
(yup, Sears)

1. Celeryville

Surely there are more worthy vegetables to name your town after.  I mean, all it really is is crunchy, right?  Honestly, who eats it by itself?  You gotta put peanut butter or ranch dressing on it before you can get it down.  It has no taste!

Interestingly, Celeryville actually is named after celery.  Some Dutch guy came here and planted away in the “muck lands” of north central Ohio.  The rest is history. 

Another website shares these fascinating celery / general vegetable facts:

• There are 1,000,000 celery seeds in one pound
• If combined, the vegetable farms in Celeryville would be the third largest employer in Huron County
• The Celeryville Conservancy District maintains over seven miles of ditches

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the rolling hills of celery!

Honorable Mention:

• B-o-r-i-n-g – Valley City, Flat Rock, Forest, Centerburg, Center Village, New Middletown, Middle Point, Ohio City, Junction, Settlement, Plain City
• Short and sweet – Lena, Eris, Scio, Iler, Zoar, Dola, Ada, Ney, Neffs, Ink
• Just a little out of place – just way, way too many
• Just a little off-color – Beaverdam, Climax
• Numerically oriented – Twinsburg, Seventeen
• Orthographically challenged – Morral, Jewell, Justus, Luckey
• Alliterative apotheosis – Rush Run, Sahara Sands
• Native American mouthfuls – Chuckery, Pataskala, Tontogany, Wapakoneta (Neil Armstrong’s birthplace), Wakatomika, Tippecanoe
• Atypical adjectives – Green, Orange, Continental, Mutual, Brilliant, Delightful, Dull
• Abnormal nouns – Phalanx, Peninsula, Prospect, Farmer, Yankee, Diamond, Silica, Signal, Cable, Carriage, Lock, Seal, Champion, Chili, Charm, Novelty, Defiance, Assumption, Zone
• Unconventional verbs – Convoy, Converse, Bangs, Jump
• Fun to say – Swander, Lake Slagle, Mingo, Mogadore, Monclova, Maumee, Maximo, Philothea, Piqua, Byhalia, Bucyrus, Botkins, Burgoon, Ruggles, Erastus, Glandorf, Ashtabula
• Hard to say – Gnadehutten, Deunquat
• Unconventional villes – Salineville, Conesville, Lightsville, Ballville, Footville, Widowville, Worstville, Hicksville
• Just plain weird – Honeytown, North Industry, Magnetic Springs, Mount Air, Pigeon City, Chagrin Falls, Neopolis, Uniopolis, Ft. Recovery, The Bend, Hills and Dales, Reedurban, Risingsun, Roundhead, Brokensword, Rushsylvania, Newcomerstown, Stelvideo, Fryburg, Killbuck, Cornersburg, Canal Fulton (and Canal Lewisville), New Stark, Steam Corners, Put-in-Bay (world’s largest geode), Devil Town, River Styx
• I’d like to introduce you to – Nellie, Clyde, Wayne, Willard, Gerald, Jerome, Arthur, Arnold, Elmore, Elroy, Gomer, Rudolph, Waldo, Bono, Montezuma, Napoleon, Brady Lake, Craig Beach, Rich Hill, Grover Hill, Dolly Varden, Maria Stein
• Ghost towns – Beagle, Wonderland

Next week: the wild and weird town names of southern Ohio.